Monday, December 5, 2016

I don't know how to start this post

So we all have that day in our heads. It's the day the bottom fell out of our world and things were never again the same. So now you have to adjust and find a new normal. And that is hard because I hate change period. My day come in November.

So with my mil's stroke (?) we assumed weeks if not months of rehab. I assumed 1-3 trips a week up to rehab. I expected laundry duty. I expected us as a family to come together in a month or so and talk, will there be more rehab? is she ok to go home with 24 hour care? does she want to think about different living arrangements?

What I didn't expect was the call I got last Friday, saying she joined her husband up in heaven that morning. She was a fighter and I fully expected months and months of work ahead of her/us. I expected a few more years with her.

So in such a short amount of time these boys lost two Grand parents. This one was hard on the boys. We were able to prep them with Pops, but because we didn't see it coming with Grandma so we didn't prep them. We didn't take them up to say good bye. We did go up for a visit on Thanksgiving.

So now my world is in chaos, I'm sure in time things will settle down. I just hate having so much up in the air. We have a house to clear and a house to sell and an estate to settle. It doesn't fall on me, but I'm doing what I can to help. I cleared my husband's schedule so he can go all over town with his sister coming up. And I will be there to help pack the house. I went in all ready and cleaned out the fridge because the garbage can is so tiny it will take some time to fully clear the house of food. I did all the laundry I could find so we can do nothing but sort coming up. I know the little things will help.

Just weird being in their house. You fully expect my mil to come walking down the hall. You expect her to walk her outside to your car because she has to check the mail. I have plans to make tater tots tomorrow, she ALWAYS calls when I'm up to my elbows in potatoes. And it takes a minute to not only answer but put her on speaker because my hands are covered in potatoes, but kid you not she always calls during that time.

So this year has just sucked for us in so many ways. I feel like this year I have climbed a mountain I'm hoping I'm over the top and on my way down, because If I have to keep climbing I may not make it. It's been a tough year. But it's time for a break. I just hope next year is calmer. I hope it's shorter. I hope it's quiet and boring. I hope to find time to just sit in the garden. Although I was planning a small garden because I assumed I was to spend time away from home helping my mil. So I need to think now.

Peace. Just need some Peace and smooth days ahead right now.

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