Saturday, December 26, 2015

When Life Throws You Lemons

Your suppose to make Lemonade right? But what happens when you don't like lemonade then what? I don't mind lemon on fish, but life hasn't thrown me a fish yet?
We've had a crazy time lately with things dying around here. TV, computer, Bunny, hair clippers, vacuum, dishwasher. Oh I'm sure I'm missing a few? TV was under warranty and they did fix it. Computer is toast, warranty people won't talk to us with a CC we don't have a CC, so as of right now not replacing the computer. Bunny, well we buried him it was a long time coming, hair clippers I will be replacing. I save so much money cutting the boys hair, vacuum, I bought a broom, but I really need to buy a new vacuum, dishwasher, well we plugged the hole and prayed. We are saving a couple dollars a week and should be there by the end of next year?
Make me worry about what was to come.
Then you have life. My mother in law fell ill again, nothing like getting a call at 3m when you get home from work at 2am and just dropped into bed. Which got us thinking back to four years ago. Four years ago changed so much here. I fear the changes coming this time around. 

Four years ago, we or mostly I had to be at the rehab center every day at set times, and lots of running around. Going back and fourth from rehab to house to errands sometimes 2-4 times a day. We had to finally take a loan out for gas. Which in turn took about two years to pay off. My kids missed so much school, because I couldn't be at one place at one set time and be at another place at the same time. Something had to give and I had to keep pulling kids out of school to make this time and that time work. Which I'm happy to do, but the kids were suffering. It was one of the biggest factors into finally leaving school and home schooling.
Then I get crap about how the kids should be in school. I want to yell HOW? what is the point if they are going to miss so much school? Because I can't be here, and there picking them up? 

Then we have the Mortgage, I've been trying hard to pay it down, so we can either re-fi or move, both would reduce our payment. We need our payment reduced so we can afford our payment with out stressing every single month. We'll it was decided last summer lets try and move. We need a bigger house, as we are in such a tiny house and just tripping over each other. We need a bigger yard. As I grow nearly everything we eat. I need a canning room to store all the stuff I preserve that we eat, that I grow. Tired of having to dig under beds and couches to find foods. Going south would get us a bigger house with less mortgage. Hubby's job may be moving south, it was a win win.
But I think we have decided that a move at this moment is not in our future. Because moving 20-30 minutes south is not logical right now. That is adding 20-30 minutes to our 30 minute trip to the in laws. That doesn't make sense. Gas is going to kill us as it is. We will still look, but we have decided to throw our tax return at the mortgage and re-fi. Extend our mortgage back out to freaking 30 years. But we should have a payment we can afford, which would allow breathing room to have a few extra dollars for gas, so we are not going down the loan road again. I also hope that once a dishwasher is bought that, that 10-20 a week can start being put towards a second car. It's something that we will probably need down the road. 

When I think about the in laws, I think back about 15-17 years ago, I'm still damaged from that time. My Grandmother fell sick and she was basically dumped on me, because after all I was just looking for a job and that is nothing. So yeah I have all the time in the world to take care of her. It turned into two years of hell. Taking her to doctors appointments, surgeries, meals, errands. Even when I parked her at my parents, hoping for help, hum nope, you have to come out here and take care of her. If she needs a 2am pill you need to be here, BUT you can't stay here with her. No I was kicked out of the house at 19, probably because I was too old to beat with a belt? IDK. So not only taking care of her, I'm hunting for a job, I'm couch surfing. At times sleeping in the car because I couldn't stay at her place, she wanted to be independent. But have to turn around and be there so early. I would beg and plead for help, and get a nope. I finally get her on her feet, she is doing for herself. I get a job, I get an apartment and then the bottom falls out and she dies.
Although then funny how fast her kids showed up to search the place for a will and then how fast they left when they found it, realized she died in debt, and so I was blamed for the lack of money. Hum? you have a 62 year old, who is on ss, no retirement, she has to pay rent and a car payment, pay for her health insurance and everything. She would skimp on food to get by. So that was a nice fight, told them to check the bank account, in the end they realized I was right. I was never paid for a second of the time I gave her. I was loaned her car here and there, which I would sleep in from time to time, because I couldn't find a couch to crash on. I don't mind the non payment, but I do mind the lack of help I received from family. I haven't spoken to my Aunt or Uncles from that day since. Don't even know if they know if that I have kids? They have never met them.
But Karma does come around and my mother is living with Karma now, as she is going from surgery to surgery, I know she is doing it for the drugs. But she asked for help and I said no. I haven't been to her house in years. Good luck to ya.  There is more Karma coming and I fear it may hit later this week. Not the week I need it, but in my 40 years on earth she has never heard one word I have said, she will listen or she will be removed from my life all together. I don't need her to live. And the boys don't need a drunk Grandmother in their lives. As it is she only sees them 2-3 times a year as it is. You can't beat someone growing up, call them names, still today I'm called fat. Yeah that helps. You can't dump your mother on me and not help and then expect help when it comes your time? I have learned how to say no years ago. It's actually really easy now.
So we have a tough year ahead coming up. I feel it, I know it. Figure if we take it day to day we can try and get through it and hope the other side is better? Just hope God can give us the strength to get through each day.  Although there are times I wonder why God is dumping and dumping and dumping. What I wouldn't give for some good news to keep us going. 

Now to figure out what to do with these Lemons?

1 comment:

Linda Heminway said...

Love reading your stuff and the items you have made truly could earn you some money!
Note that mom's are funny, they give you guilt trips, they irritate you and one day (like my own) they suddenly drop dead and you torture yourself over the times when you could have hugged them and forgiven them and had that special time with them that wasn't able to happen. Grin and bear it, my friend, make peace. Trust me on this one.