Burnt Out

Do not know where to begin here. Sometime last week hubby came home from work sick. LOVELY. He is hacking all over the place and touching things and finally I was done, STOP TOUCHING, don't cough into your hands, Like Seriously? Your not two anymore!

 

Then Wednesday night hit and it hit hard. I sent hubby in for a nap, I went next door to paint a fire place. Came home dinner, shower and then BOOM. I was in bed, with every single muscle hurting. I moved I screamed because it felt like I was breaking bones. Thursday, could not get out of bed. The sweats the banging head, these poor kids were on their own. Hubby comes home from work and BOOM a call from his father saying his mother is in the hospital. So I was on my own. Dying sick and I'm on my own. LOVELY. Tell ya the last time I was this sick I was in labor with Tucker, throwing up and screaming with labor pains.

 

Friday I had to pull it together. Why? because now I have three kids sick. Got to see the husband briefly who looked like hell, so dragged him to urgent care, make sure it wasn't worse then the flu. It wasn't. Just take a nap. Oh yeah, not happening. I see hubby again on Sunday where I sent him to bed early so he could get 8 hours before work. That helped a lot. Although I went down again over the weekend. Well trying to take care of three very sick kids.

 

I fell so far behind on the garden. On the work for the neighbor. On school. Hubby has been gone more then he has been here. I think I see him tomorrow? It's all me.

 

And yesterday no one remembered my birthday. Some friends did, but what about the hubby? The mother? I think I"m done with birthdays. Just done.

 

I don't know but honestly I could use a break. I haven't been out of the house alone in over 6 months. ALONE! In thinking hubby and I alone have not been out to dinner since Cole was a baby. He is currently 9 years old. I'm drained. I'm tired. I'm wiped. But yet I have to somehow get up tomorrow and keep going. Because three very sick kids depend on me.

 

This week has tested something, I'm drained, I'm tired and frankly just flat out broke. We don't have extra money at the end of the week. On payday every penny is accounted for. We gas up once a week and that is it. We've had to gas up three times this week, with me pulling money from the second car we are trying to save for. Not complaining, at least it's not like a few years ago, when we had to borrow thousands from retirement, just for gas, it was so bad had to pull the kids out of school. Because by the time you drove to the rehab place, then to their house, any errands that had to be done, back to rehab. We were spending hundreds a week in gas. Forget about taking the kids to school and picking them up.

 

Just burnt out right now. 

I'll do a post later, but Mr. Lincoln and Night Owl got together and made me a new rose. Need to deal with her. 

This one snuck ahead of Cole and finished math first. 

 

Cole said what the hell? and he started doing a lesson daily until done.

 

Ethan is not done with math. We are not done with History. I have tried hard over the last two days to get the garden in. Tomatoes were begging to go out. I have maybe one more trip to the neighbors and the fireplace will be done?

 

I still need to get some dirt. Finish planting, so much to plan for our trip. well if we get a trip. Hubby has about 5 more vacation days he can take, after that we are not getting paid if he has to take a day off. We are toying with cancelling the trip, well except everything is paid for. I would loose money in cancel fees. Yet on the other hand we need to eat, and no one understands, if hubby doesn't work and there is no vacation to take, we don't get paid. Which means we don't eat. Or we really struggle with paying the mortgage or something has to give.

 

Family doesn't understand that if hubby doesn't work he doesn't get paid. OH you can just call in and take another day off. No, he can't. The pay cut alone hit us hard. Try living on 10 dollars an hour, and then not get paid.

 

Lots of stress, lots on the plate. And I'm close to loosing it.

 

My night ended tonight, with Tucker throwing up in the toilet with a nose bleed. My toilet looked like it had been through a war. No hubby to help.

 

Not complaining (much) but need things to calm down, need some sleep without coughing up lungs. Need kids to get better, need the garden planted. And honestly could use some time away from the kids. Maybe in 11 years?

 

GOD have you tested me enough yet?