Friday, August 24, 2012

Life and Other Things

Life has been a whirlwind these days. I hardly know where to start?

Wiped, Tired, Stressed, Busy...So last week caseworker came to us and said to think about things. Because foster girl has to go to school at her old school. That would involve driving 20 plus miles 4 times a day. Up, home, home school my kids, back up to get her and home again. Not to mention sports or dance we need to put her in.

That is a lot of driving and what we are getting paid from the state, we would not break even. You add in food and anything else she needs. So as hubby and I were talking on Wednesday when we got a call. Foster brother came back into care, case worker thinks it's unfair to ask us to do all that driving and keeping 4 boys happy in the process. She is moving the kids.

The relief I felt as I realized I do not have to make the decision, it was made for me. The relief I felt knowing soon the fighting would soon stop around here. Ethan and Foster Girl fought like you wouldn't believe. Ethan has to be the oldest if we got a child in the house. But Foster Girl is 3 months younger, but taller, and a bigger presence in the house. So he never felt like he was the oldest. So he would fight to be the oldest and she would fight for her place in the home.


So Sunday was spent packing. And she was picked up Monday. Monday well we were waiting for her to be picked up, we moved Tucker and Cole into foster girls room. On Tuesday we changed Ethan and our room around. We had given up the big room to fit three boys. But being in a small room, yeah not pretty.

So the week has been spent moving rooms around and getting things organized. Get things cleaned up. Nice to have the boys all split up again. Nice to have our bedroom back. I don't think I realized how much air the foster girl took up. I remember her arriving and all the air leaving the house. Nothing bad, just an overwhelming presence. So when she left it was like I could breath again. We are all still adjusting and she has been gone for nearly a week.

Because I have had to spend so much time "mothering" her things suffered. My garden is a mess. Starting tomorrow I will be out there working hard. Lots to do, to get ready for the fall. I'm working hard on the herbs as I can. And picking stuff as I water. But lots to do out there.

Also last week Chip died. The dang goat suffered and it pained me so. So a lot of time was spent being by his side. Just a relief to when he finally passed over, knowing he was no longer in pain. He was 14 years old. I miss him so. I miss him running every time I went into the goat pen. Falling over at least once in the process because his legs were just so long. He would get up again and start running again.

We picked these cubbies up over the past two days. It took a lot of looking and thinking but this was the best thing we could find to organize all my fabric. I like how it's organized by color. I love all the space. Now I can better explain to hubby that yes, I really do need more fabric. See I have the space for it!

I can't wait to get back into sewing. I have a new craft. As I do things I will be posting them here for sale, after I have a few things not sold I will open and etsy store and post them there. It won't be a lot, just as I go.

We start homeschooling next week, not full deep into schooling. But I will start Math, and English. When the science book comes we will start science. Hubby is in charge of history and bible. I have a Spanish Program in mind so I will look into that. 

I need to head up North to see some family. I am the family historian and they have a ton of stuff for me. They have been making copies and such, but it's time to go and get everything, make sure everything is named and labeled. So be doing that towards the end of the month I believe?

Come September, my parents house is closing. But the shocking part is they found a rental. They will be staying at a run down camp ground. This camp ground have mobiles around the outer edges. The mobile is bigger then their current house. And it sounds like my mom will have some garden space. They need to pick a day to move, and they say they will rent a moving truck. So with them doing all this work, I will help them pack and move them over. Although they asked if they can park the RV here. NO!

I don't see me visiting them much if at all. I won't be going to their house for Christmas or Thanksgiving. I won't spend holidays in a mobile in a run down camp ground. And with my mothers drinking not sure I want her here for the holidays? Then it really worries me the day that comes when they can't pay their rent?

So one wonders why we are tempted to move to Grants Pass, OR. We went down there for camping and fell in love. We are really tempted to buy some land and build a house down there. We would be far away from my family, closer to extended family. We will see. Kids are excited and really want to go, yesterday.

Although steps need to happen first. Pay off the van we are under the 3k mark. Have 6 months of mortgage payments saved up. We are up to 2 months. Then work on saving for some land and paying down our current mortgage.

I found the kitchen yesterday. So I"m hoping to start baking again. I found a store today that has gf flours for cheap. I picked up 25 pounds of brown rice for 20 bucks. Will go back next week for more. I am stocking up the house. Soon we will leave the house maybe once a week. We will buckle down and home school, garden, just being home and not using gas. Using our saving on gas to pay down the van. Our goal is to have it paid off by Christmas. That will take some serious buckling down.

But give me a few more days. I still have some more organizing to do before I'm happy. But I'm itching to get back into the kitchen and itching to start sewing again.

I'm grateful for the foster care experience. I now know I can't bring in another child, without setting off Ethan. I think if the child was much younger that would be better. But logically we can't fit anymore kids in this house. I also know how lacking the system is. I know people never call you back. I know I have a caseworker who has been off the whole time we have had these kids. So I know when we need help, there was no one in our corner helping us. I can't take in another child if no one is there to help me when we need help.

So I'm breathing again. Although recovery will take time.


jana said...

wow you live a crazy life like me only I do not home school. but raised 125 kids in 20 years fostering , 2 birth kids , relatives kids and our 2 adoptions. I conmmend you for accepting fostering was not right for your family. That is hard to do but now you can move forward and do more for your family. Praying you get that land so desiring and things come into place.


AdoptionMom said...

So glad that you gave foster care a try. Sometimes our life needs to just be our family season of life. Get settled down and into homeschooling and see how it goes. The Lord may have been preparing you from some new adventure :O)
Again sorry to hear about Chip.